How To Rock The Bottle: Part 1

(Disclaimer: I’m not a doctor or nurse, nor do I possess magical healing powers. The following is not a substitute for advice from your healthcare provider. It’s opinion and before you apply any of it to your life you should print this blog post out, take it to your doctor, and make sure I’m not completely full of crap.)
(Warning: There is a brief mention of blood and bodily injury that could possibly creep you out a little. Also, this post discusses breastfeeding and will therefore obviously discuss breasts. If that offends you- please leave my blog and return when you’ve matured.)

This is the 1st post of a 3-part series. Stay tuned for parts 2 and 3.

MJ is 4 months old now, and he has been formula-fed for 3 of those. Actually probably closer to 3 and a half, if I’m honest. I had this beautiful picture in my head of how breastfeeding was going to go for us. I had the pamphlets and was a Facebook member of the local LLL group. I owned a breastfeeding pillow, 2 nursing bras, 2 nursing tanks, 3 different types of nipple cream, and I had “lactation stations” set up throughout the apartment full of bottled water and healthy snacks. I read the books, I studied positions, I had a Pinterest board stocked full of recipes to help increase my milk supply. A Pinterest board! I was prepared. Then, MJ arrived, and plans had to change.

We had a lot of the same struggles that many moms have with their babies. My cesarean kept me from being able to move like I had planned, he had to have phototherapy while in the hospital, I had blood patches performed twice for the spinal headache I got from the epidural, both of which required 12-24 hours of flat-on-your-back bedrest. He was dehydrated in hospital and we supplemented with formula. None of my nurses had ever breastfed, and therefore had no idea how to help me. The closest thing to advice I got was when I, frantic and crying because I had just fished a piece of my own nipple out of my infant son’s blood-filled mouth, made D go and ask them what to do. The nurse looked up from her paperwork for .7 seconds and said, “That’s normal.”

I met with a lactation consultant the week after being discharged and rented the best breast pump money can buy. At this point, due to flat nipples on my end and a disinterest in nursing on my son’s, they said the best case scenario for us would be to continue trying to nurse, but focus on pumping. It wasn’t expected for MJ to ever be able to exclusively nurse. I danced the exhausting dance every pumping mom does.

Pumping sounds fairly simple when you think about it. Instead of the baby getting the milk directly from you, you attach the mechanical milking machine and then give it to your beaming bundle of joy via bottle. What no one told me to expect, however, was that babies will rarely be hungry the same time you pump. So instead of what I had imagined (pump, feed baby, both of us sleep) it looked like (pump, put away pumping supplies and walk towards bed, hear baby wake up, feed baby, start walking towards bed again, hear pumping alarm go off, repeat.) It was exhausting, but I figured hey, this won’t last forever. I just have to tough it out for a month and things will mellow out.

The LC had me pumping, then nursing MJ at the end when he wasn’t starving (and consequently screaming his fool head off.) In the three weeks I breastfed, the damage to my nipples never fully healed. They didn’t have time to. So nursing, and pumping, hurt from beginning to end and every minute in between. I had plugged ducts twice, and at the end of week 3 it turned into full-blown mastitis. I started on antibiotics, healed the infection, only to then get thrush. In my nipples. Yeah, that’s a thing.

At this point. I sat down, bawling my eyes out to D, and said “I’m done.”

When I was initially planning on breastfeeding, I had only ever planned to make it to the 6 month mark. Before getting pregnant, I was taking 2 medications for pain that I had stopped while TTC. One of them has had zero to no studies conducted on how much passes through breast milk and how much is safe for newborns. I was willing to wait to start those medications again if it meant giving my baby the best start, but at the end of that first month, I knew I was finished.

Now, here’s the thing. Nothing I experienced is uncommon. Lack of education and support, difficulty breastfeeding after surgery, flat or inverted nipples, nipple confusion, and nipple trauma are things that many a woman have dealt with. (To be clear, I’m not saying those things are normal or that they should be expected. Breastfeeding may be uncomfortable at first, but it should never seriously hurt. If it does, please, please see a Lactation Consultant and get some guidance. I promise there are hundreds of newfangled products and time-tested tricks you may not have heard of yet!) My point is that for all the “breast is best” and “eat local” t-shirts you see, the fact remains that currently in the US, less than 40% of mothers are exclusively breastfeeding at 3 months. Which means the large majority of little ones are going to be getting formula at some point in their life.

Hospitals and local communities are working very hard to increase that number and it is rising as the years go by. That’s awesome. I don’t know a single person who would argue that.

But do you know what isn’t getting any better? Information and resources for those who don’t breastfeed. When I first decided to make the switch completely, I found nothing. At least, nothing that wasn’t funded by Enfamil or Similac. My hospital didn’t offer information on formula feeding. Why? Because they don’t want to encourage it. Which, if I’m honest, irritates the living heck out of me. With over half of our country’s mothers giving their babies formula, there is an appalling lack of information available, which leaves mothers relying on life experience from their mothers and their mothers’ mothers. My mother is a genius, don’t get me wrong. But our understanding of babies and their needs, as well as our ability to create formula that is closer to breast milk than it ever has been makes advice from 50 years ago irrelevant and possibly dangerous. I’ve been told (not by my mother, thankfully)

-to water the formula down to make it last longer
-to widen the nipple and add rice cereal as soon as we get home from the hospital so the baby will sleep longer
-to add (insert magical herb) to solve (some problem that never applied to us in the first place)
-to start solids at 8 weeks because formula fed babies need to eat more
-to prop the bottle on pillows during feeding times so that I can multitask

In case you were wondering, all of that is bad advice. But, I didn’t know that at first. I had no idea how to weed out the gems from the constant stream of well-meant dirt I was receiving.

So, in hopes of saving someone from the 3 days of panicked Googling and intermittent crying that I muddled through, I decided to write up a mini-series. My next post will be a list of resources I’ve found, and the following will be a few ways to make the absolute best of your formula-feeding journey.

Because whatever you’re reason for formula-feeding, you deserve to have the facts and tools necessary to make it an enjoyable experience.

If you formula fed, what is one thing you’d say to a new mother just getting started? Leave it in the comments!

MJ’s Birth Story

On September 19^th at 8pm, I started having contractions. I was 40 weeks and 2 days. They were a little stronger than the prodromal labor I had been having for the past three weeks, but I was hesitant to think much of them since I had been wrong so many times before. I took a bath, drank some water, and went to bed around midnight. At 2:30am the contractions were seven minutes apart and lasting a minute and a half. I took another bath and got up, since they were too strong to sleep through. Around 6:30am I woke my husband up and he spent the morning with me in the living room. I called my mother around 11 and told her I thought we might be having a baby that day.

For the rest of the day I labored at home, waiting for my contractions to pick up in intensity. At around 8pm they did and we headed to the hospital, now fitting the 5-1-1 rule. I was checked for dilation and was completely unprepared when the nurse told me I still hadn’t dilated at all. But I’m in labor!  I thought.  REAL labor! We stayed on the monitors for a while and they gave me a shot to help me get some sleep, then sent us home.

heading home from the hospital- still very pregnant.

I tried to lay down in bed for a few hours but the contractions got stronger quickly and I wasn’t able to lay down anymore. I went into the living room, lit some candles, turned on Pandora, and labored alone until around 3am. At that point they were 5-10 minutes apart, almost 2 minutes long, and strong enough that I was needing to vocalize and stand up to get through them.  I woke my husband up again and he sat with me in the living room for a few hours while we tried to decide when to head back to L&D. He finally decided to call the midwife and she told us to go ahead and come back in, and said if I still hadn’t progressed there were a few things we could try. We headed back into town (which was by far the most painful car ride of my life) and D somehow managed not to wreck the car through all of my yelling.
We were wheeled up to L&D at 5am (I think?) and found I was 5cm! I was elated. The shot they had given me hadn’t helped me get any sleep like we had hoped, but It had helped me relax enough for my body to get things moving. They got us a room, hooked up my IV, and let me labor for a short while. I had planned on having a natural and unmedicated birth, but after getting to 6 centimeters I was sure I didn’t care about that anymore. D did as he had promised and reminded me of the reasons I had initially decided not to have any drugs or an epidural, but reminded me that he supported whatever decision I made. I consented to IV Stadol and that helped me enough to be able to lay in bed so they could get the baby’s heartbeat on the monitor. I was checked at some point and had made it to 6.5 when the Stadol wore off. They recommended not using it again, since it rarely worked as well with the second dose and we didn’t want the baby to have too much in his system when he was born. I asked for an epidural and a little bit later the anesthesiologist showed up. They asked D to leave the room which I thought was odd, but I was so desperate for them to get it placed that I didn’t argue it. It took a minute to get the epidural placed and the nurse had to hold me still during a few contractions, but we finally got it and the relief was almost immediate. I was checked again as soon as it was placed and found out I had dilated to 9cm without it! I felt really good about that and expected to reach completion fast. My midwife told me they would let me rest for a while and I would be ready to start pushing within the hour. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and got some blissful sleep before some nurses came in and told me the baby’s heart rate was getting a little too low for their liking (in the 60’s during contractions.) They propped me onto my left side and and had me rest that way for a while. They checked me again and found I had a cervical lip, so they propped me onto my right side to see If the change in position would help and also started me on a low dose of pitocin (I still have no idea why. I remember the nurse telling me but I can’t remember a thing from that conversation.) 30 minutes or so went by and they switched me back to my left side. (It was around this time that the epidural had completely lost its effectiveness. I vaguely remember begging for them to “make it start working again” but I think the nurse just rolled her eyes at me.) The midwife came in and explained that baby’s heart seemed to be having a really rough time (in the 40’s during contractions now) and they wanted to get him out asap. They got me prepped to start pushing in a matter of minutes and a nurse helped me through my first few practice pushes. Let me just say, I thought pushing would be something very simple to get the hang of, especially since I had full feeling by then. That wasn’t the case. The nurse was attempting to manually push back the cervical lip during pushes (OUCH) and the pain from that coupled with the fact that I just really didn’t like this nurse had me distracted. We weren’t getting anywhere when the midwife came in. I felt more comfortable with her there and she walked me through how to push well enough that they at least told me I was doing it correctly. With each push, the baby’s head would move back. I wasn’t getting any closer to completion and my cervix had begun to swell.  For some reason his head wasn’t making it into the birth canal. The midwife walked over to the front of the bed and told me we were going to try for a few more minutes, but after that we needed to consider “plan b.” They held my legs for me and told me to get angry and push as hard as I could. I was so scared during contractions, I could hear his heart beat on the monitor and the length between beats just kept getting longer. At the time, it felt like 5 minutes, but my husband says I actually pushed for about 45. The midwife walked back up to me and put some counter pressure on my back through a few contractions while she explained how the c-section would work. They stopped the pitocin and put something into my IV that was supposed to slow down my contractions until the surgery but it ended up not working. Anesthesia was busy and took another 45 minutes to get up to our floor. This was the only part of labor that felt longer than it actually was. If you asked me, I would have said I was writhing in that damn labor bed for half the night.  Not the case. My husband held my hand and let me scream into his shirt the whole time while I worked through the urge to push with every contraction. That pressure is no joke, holy crap. I felt like I had lost all control. Eventually though, the anesthesiologist came up and put more medicine into the catheter in my back. I gave him a tearful “thank you” and the L&D floor was spared from the sound of my yelling.

They wheeled me to the OR and D stayed behind to get dressed up in his mask and booties. The anesthesiologist there was different than the man I had met earlier and she was a godsend. She walked me through every step and let me know that every sensation I was feeling was normal. The epidural gave me the shakes so my husband had a hard time holding my hand when he came in. It was such a comfort being able to look at him the whole time. I’ve always been terrified by the thought of a c-section, but he and the whole team of people in there with me were so supportive. They delivered our son and I got to hear him cry for the first time before D walked over to see him get cleaned up. They brought him over to me and let me kiss his forehead before he and D left for the nursery. I fell asleep while they were stitching me up and really can’t remember how long that took. Actually the next few hours are a big blur. I vaguely remember holding our son, but I couldn’t tell you if that memory was the first or fifth time I held him. They told me later that the umbilical cord had been wrapped around his shoulder and waist like a seatbelt, so he wasn’t able to descend far enough to make it into the birth canal. Each contraction constricted the cord and he had a bruise on his back from the pressure. But his APGAR scores were good and other than a little jaundice he was perfectly healthy.

I had to have two blood patches for the spinal headache I got from the epidural, so I spent more time in the hospital that I would have liked, but a few short days after he was born we finally got to take our little boy home.

So, readers, meet MJ. Born 7 pounds 12 ounces and 20 inches long at 2:52pm.

A Lesson in Faith

Today is my Estimated Due Date, and while I suppose it’s possible I could go into labor before midnight, I highly doubt that will happen.

I knew before getting pregnant that first time moms often go past their due dates, and I also know that due dates are more educated guesses than an exact science. It’s something I thought I had been mentally preparing myself for over the last ten months. However, when that day that you’ve had marked on the calendar for so long finally comes… and then goes, it’s hard not to feel frustrated.

Everyone knows that person who delivered two weeks early, and everyone knows that person who just never seemed to go into labor on their own. The further away from that first scenario I get, the more nervous I become that this show’s simply never going to start, at least not naturally. I have a midwife appointment in three hours where we’ll be discussing induction, and a large part of me is very, very sad about that.

I trust my body to deliver this baby when it’s the right time, but unfortunately my Midwife’s insurance doesn’t like to leave things unresolved, and my insurance isn’t too keen on the idea of me ignoring my Midwife’s recommendation. So if this baby doesn’t come before next week, someone is going to get my body going for me.

It’s not the birth I wanted.

I’m trying to prepare myself for that possibility, though I know (and hope) that I could go into spontaneous labor at any time. I don’t want to show up at the hospital still in disbelief that my body didn’t comply with the timeline set for it by others. I need to be ready for that.

But to be honest, I don’t know how to be. I don’t agree with the sentiment that all that matters is “healthy mom, healthy baby.” I think, in most cases, mothers should be able to ask more of their healthcare teams than simply not killing them. I don’t think it’s selfish or unrealistic for a mother to have a say in how and where she births her baby. I had a beautiful vision for this birth, and it seems like there has been a hiccup or obstacle around every corner. That’s hard to come to terms with. A large part of it is in our financial situation- we can’t afford to pay out of pocket for prenatal/maternity care right now, so I’m stuck with what our insurance will cover. That doesn’t leave a lot of options, especially for someone looking for a less medicalized birth. I knew that, getting into this, but I hoped and prayed I would find a provider who would work with me as best she could.

Now that I’m one week away from having this baby (I’m not allowed to go over 41 weeks) I’m saddened by how little say I have in this process. I’m overjoyed to meet my son, but I feel like I’m betraying an agreement between us by not allowing him to choose his own birthday. He doesn’t know he’s on the clock. He doesn’t understand the concept of “birth.” His only job right now is to grow and develop and be. It seems forceful and wrong to pull him out of this season of his life before he’s ready.

But that’s my only option. That or refuse care and have this baby in my bathtub (I think D would pass out.)

So… I’m wrestling with this. I know many inductions that went beautifully and ended in happy mothers and healthy babies. I’m hoping for that experience. I’m going to do my best to fight for forms of induction that I feel are safest for me and my son, and I’m going to give him as much time to come on his own as I’m able. I’m going to continue to spend time in prayer over this, trusting that no matter what happens, my son and I are in the hands of someone much wiser than me. Whether this baby comes on his own or with help, I am still so blessed to be the one who brings him into this world, and regardless of how his birth occurs, we’re going to celebrate that beautiful day every year for the rest of my life.

Anyway you look at it, that’s pretty awesome.

We’re Moving To Spain: Update!

D finally got his hard copy orders in, so we were able to get the ball rolling in a few areas. He’s basically done with all of the medical stuff he needs, whereas I haven’t even started.
For anyone reading this who is in my shoes (pregnant and getting ready for an OCONUS PCS) let me let you in on a little secret: the military is very confused by pregnancy. No one could give us a straight answer on what I’m supposed to get done and when, because apparently there isn’t a written policy for this situation. We’ve spent a lot of time in cramped offices getting blank stares before being assured we’d get a call from somebody’s supervisor. Meanwhile, the 60 days we were told I had to get all of this finished slowly ticks away. It’s been stressful, but luckily everyone we’ve worked with has been kind and apologetic and has at least tried to get us useful information.From the looks of it, after Baby J gets here (in the next two weeks) I am going to be spending a LOT of my post-partum recovery time getting this checklist done. I need to find a dentist and get some blood drawn (another tip: FIND YOUR IMMUNIZATION RECORDS. Seriously. Now. Don’t wait until 2 months before you need them like I did to find out that they’ve magically disappeared and none of your doctors have a copy.)Luckily, D’s command was pretty lenient on who does my 6 week post-partum checkup, so I can have my midwife fill out that paperwork if she’s willing. Initially they were saying I may have to find an Obstetrician and make a new patient appointment just for my 6 week appointment, which would have been a pain in the neck. But since Tricare covers Certified Nurse Midwives, they decided to allow my midwife to sign off on everything. The dentist is going to be difficult since I know I need some work done before they’ll sign off for me, and that means more than one appointment. I’m going to call around to some local offices and see who has a somewhat open schedule in the next few weeks, and hopefully I won’t be too sleep-deprived to make it to the appointment.D is going to try and use some of the leave time he’s been saving up so that he can help me out a little bit past his 10 days of paternity leave, and then after he goes back to work my mom is coming for four days. My hope is that I can plan the dental, pediatrician, and immunization appointments for the time that they’re home, but I’m not sure how realistic that is.

Anyway, that’s been a major source of stress for us lately, but we did get something checked off our list and both got our Mississippi driver’s licenses! My California license expires next month and D’s expired earlier this year. He doesn’t reallyneed a current one, but we got his anyway just to prevent any hiccups. We made a nice day out of it and, after our 2 hours filling out paperwork, got some delicious chinese food afterward. The area the office is in is a gorgeous little southern town with brick buildings and a mom-and-pop shop on every corner. The weather was pretty muggy and overcast, but it cleared eventually and we got to enjoy the ride back.

This next month we’re really going to focus on the medical stuff we have to get done, and then once that’s all taken care of we’ll apply for our passports! I can’t wait to get the scary parts out of the way so we can get to the exciting ones! Pretty soon, our son will be here and we can really start getting ready for this transition.

More to come soon!

Pregnancy Update: 39 Weeks!

How big is baby: A pumpkin.

Cravings: None recently.

Symptoms: More of the same. BH all day every day, backache, swollen feet. What’s new?

Mom is feeling: Desperate enough to go for voluntary walks outside in the summer in Missisippi in hopes it gets things moving.

Dad is feeling: Very stressed lately. Not only is Baby J due in less than a week, but I got sick and chipped a tooth (which is going to need a dentist asap.) My poor guy needs a vacation.

Belly: This just in: I no longer fit into restaurant booths.

Weight Gain: 30 pounds.

Doctory stuff: As I mentioned earlier, I got sick last week, hence the lack of a 38 week update. I’m almost done with the antibiotics and finally ditched that pesky fever and baby is looking fine. Still no progress. Nothing. Nada. Ms. Kim did say that it looks like his growth has slowed down and she expects him to be perfectly average in size (THANK YOU JESUS). This practice has a policy that won’t allow me to go past 41 weeks, which bums me out a bit. I know dilation/effacement doesn’t give much indication of when labor will start, but I’m a little worried this little guy might try and stick around longer than he’s allowed. There aren’t many forms of “natural” induction that I’m comfortable trying, but as we get closer to the 22nd I might just give some a try.

Things we’ve done to prepare: Bought some more disposable diapers for the first few weeks and finally picked a pediatrician. D installed the carseat and I got our bags all packed. I’ve also rearranged the furniture two more times trying to figure out what baby furniture goes where. I still don’t like it, it might have to move again. I made a freezer meal we both actually enjoyed, but then miscalculated my meal plan and we ended up eating it for dinner a few nights ago. Oops. Here’s to hoping this is the last pregnancy update I post!

We’re ready for you baby, come on out!

Pregnancy Update: 37 Weeks!

How big is baby: Getting close to melon-sized

Cravings: At this point anything I don’t have to cook.

Symptoms: Lots of BH/cramping and pressure but nothing that feels like labor. Baby J’s wake/sleep cycles are pretty regular now. So much so that I avoid going to sleep before 11pm because I know he’s going to wake me up with a couple sharp jabs if I do! I’m drudging my way through some allergies right now (to what I have NO idea) so that mixed with getting up to pee every hour is making sleep complicated.

Mom is feeling: I have some days where I’ve wrapped my head around the fact that he’s going to be here soon, and some days I wake up and have a moment of panic when I look down and see just how huge my belly has grown. Overall, the nerves are settling down and I’m getting more and more excited  to meet our son.

Dad is feeling: D on the other hand seems to be feeling more nervous every day. He’s very excited still, but we’re both realizing how quickly we’re going to be a family of three.

Belly: Now has it’s own gravitational pull.

Weight Gain: 27 pounds.

Doctory stuff: GBS was negative (woohoo!) and I declined having them check me this week so I don’t know if I’m dilated at all. I was scolded for not picking a pediatrician yet, so I need to get on that next week. Ms. Shaw also told me that I could labor at home for as long as I feel comfortable, which was great to hear. I know the nurses aren’t as on-board with a mostly hands-off birth, but I’m hoping having one of these three ladies there will help baby’s delivery go as smoothly as possible.

Things we’ve done to prepare: RE-RE-RE-registered for the childbirth class. We showed up AGAIN for a childbirth class and were sent home because the instructor called in sick at the last minute and no one had saved our phone numbers from the first time. They did give us a tour of the LDRP suites which was pretty neat (and short.) They also informed us we can self-hydrate and eat during labor, woo! I got some more prefolds in the mail, so those are washed and prepped and I washed the fabric portion of our swing that we got from our neighbors. It took me twenty minutes to wrestle that thing off the frame, and then D came home from work and showed me the button that collapses it, making the fabric basically fall off on its own. But hey, it’s clean. D also tried his hardest to fix the mold issue we’re having on the front patio, but I think we’re just going to have to call in the maintenance team and let them handle it like last time. I’m headed to Louisiana today, since that’s the closest Target, and I’m going to pick up a nursing pillow and a few other things. It’s all coming together!

Pregnancy Update: 36 Weeks!

How big is baby: 6.5-7 pounds

Cravings: BBQ Sauce. On almost anything. No really.

Symptoms: Still having Braxton Hicks fairly regularly with some cramping, but nothing that feels like labor (thank goodness!) I know at 36 weeks I should be chomping at the bit to have this baby, but we have so much stuff to get done still I’m more than happy if he hangs out and waits until his due date. Still sleepy, though I’m finding a thirty minute nap in the afternoon is usually plenty to keep me going during the rest of the day. My feet/ankles have started swelling again after that nice break I had over the past two months, but they’re still nowhere near as bad as when I was working.

Mom is feeling: Awkwardly shaped and weepy. I keep reminding myself that it’s just hormones doing their thing, and that I won’t always be this irrational. Because really, crying over a youtube video of an elephant? I’m annoying myself. I’m still feeling pretty nervous, but Ms. Wendy (one of my midwives) put my mind at ease yesterday when she told me all she had ready when her child was born were diapers and a couple of towels. Also, D is pretty sure he can take leave for a few extra days after his paternity leave is up, and that possibility is very comforting.

Dad is feeling: Dad is weird and thinks it’s funny when Mom makes a weird face because Baby J has just planted a strong, direct kick to one of her major organs. He seems much more “ready” than I am and has only have one minor freak out (compared to my two or three freak outs… every day.)

Belly: I can no longer cover it with over-sized t-shirts and D has accidentally laid on top of my belly more than once when he wasn’t expecting it to protrude THAT far into his side of the bed.

Weight Gain: 26 pounds

Doctory stuff: BP was high for me, but still barely above normal so no cause for concern. I had my GBS test done and will get results in a few days. They also checked for dilation which I swore I wouldn’t let them do but dang it I was just too curious. Nothing yet, but she said baby is resting very low and looks great.

Things we’ve done to prepare: RE-RE-registered for the childbirth class. We showed up last Saturday for it and waited an hour in a room with no AC (which was something the maintenance man actually argued with all us pregnant ladies about. He gave up under the weight of ten sweaty death glares.) Eventually a nurse came in and said that it appeared someone had given the instructor the day off, so could we please go home and come back in a week. Needless to say, we were annoyed. I ordered my Earth Mama Angel Baby Nipple Butter and the last six prefolds we need, and D picked up an adorable going home outfit for Baby J. Baby-wise, it was an uneventful week.

Pregnancy Update: 35 Weeks!

How big is baby: Estimated at somewhere around 6 pounds. Nurse Kim came in to see me today at my appointment and and gave me a very sympathetic look and said, “Oh love, I saw the ultrasound results. He’s so big.” Haha! But he’s growing strong and healthy.

Cravings: Cinnamon and crushed ice, though not together.

Symptoms: So tired. Holy cow. My right hip has been in some kind of constant spasm that will not surrender no matter what I attack it with (including yoga balls, massages, epsom salt, stretching, and heat packs. What can I say, it’s stubborn.) I’ve started taking Tylenol PM to help get some sleep, but am only getting about 5 hours a night thanks to the angry hip and the constant need to pee. Plus poor Baby J got himself turned around last night and I woke up to his irritated kicking as he tried to remedy the situation. I was assured he is comfortably head down again as of this morning.

Mom is feeling: Nervous! The nerves finally kicked in. There’s the usual- is labor going to be too painful? Will breastfeeding be difficult for us? Will D and I be able to find time for each other? And then more complicated things I wasn’t expecting- Will we be able to save enough for this PCS? Will I be able to find a doctor overseas who can adequately manage my medications when I start them again? Should we try and make it back to California for a visit before heading to Spain, or should we save the money and try and visit later? I’ve taken to practicing my slow-breathing when these worries pop up. I have to remind myself that these fears are normal and that D and I have done everything we can to prepare. Some of these are issues we will have to face fairly soon, but there is very little I can do about them this moment. So I’m giving myself permission not to have a total meltdown over them.

Dad is feeling: I think D is enjoying the quick burst of “nesting” I’ve experienced this week. The laundry is done, the dishes are clean, the floors are sparkling, and I went a little crazy and cooked a bunch of homemade snacks. I’ve also organized a couple of closets and cupboards and sorted through all the junk mail that’s been stacking up. Now I just need to buy a paper shredder and I can be rid of the mess for good!

Belly: Large and in charge, by which I mean it basically calls the shots at this point. Oh, you want to get up from the couch? Nope. Want to roll onto your other side in bed? Hahaaa. D keeps saying he thinks I’ve dropped, but I don’t see it yet.

Weight Gain: Two pounds since my last appointment two  weeks ago, which adds up to a total of 24 so far.

Doctory stuff: BP was great, fundal height is measuring one week ahead like it has been for about a month. Baby J’s heart rate was beautiful and got the midwife laughing, she says I’ll have my hands full when he gets here! We talked about birth control options that will still allow me to breastfeed, but I need to do some more research before picking one. I’ll have my GBS test next week and weekly appointments from here until delivery. Nurse Kim said they won’t be checking for dilation until 38 weeks. I’m okay with that. Of course it would be nice to know where my body’s at, but since it doesn’t actually give a good indication of when labor will start, it will likely just stress me out. Other than that, nothing new! She patted my bump and said that with the slow weight gain, I’m basically all baby at this point, and my belly button sure agrees. In other words, I miss my innie.

Things we’ve done to prepare: RE-registered for the childbirth class since they lost my paperwork, packed a rudimentary diaper bag, washed the bassinet sheets (which don’t fit our bassinet, of course, so we’ll have to find different ones.) I tried out a freezer meal recipe that I promptly tossed. Needless to say I’m glad we tested it before having to rely on it for dinner. I’ve also been practicing my hypnobirthing every night. It’s getting a little easier to relax, and all of the BH contractions have been good practice, since I’m now fully aware what muscles are where 😉

Pregnancy Update: 33 Weeks!

How big is baby: The OB estimated 5 pounds 6 oz. Woah! Also, Baby J’s head is measuring in at 38 WEEKS. They assured me that it’s completely okay and I’m still on track for my due date in September, but that my baby is going to have a big noggin’ like his dad.  (also it’s perfectly acceptable to be creeped out by his eyes in this picture. I have been unnerved by every single sonogram I’ve seen of other people’s baby’s faces. Of course, I can’t help but think MINE is exceptionally cute!)

Cravings: Various baked goods I have (so far) not managed to get my hands on.

Symptoms: Sleepy, achy, nothing new.

Mom is feeling: SO EXCITED for this little guy to get here. We still have a lot to get done (like ship all of the baby shower gifts from California, eek!) but we have the important stuff squared away.

Dad is feeling: Thankful that they checked and Baby J is still a boy (silly man.)

Belly: Whaleish.

Weight Gain: I lost one pound since my last appointment, which I chalk up to not working anymore and therefore cooking all of my meals at home. I’m still in a healthy range and baby has gained around a pound since that last appointment, so the midwives are perfectly happy with ti.

Doctory stuff: Can I just say that I have the most beautiful BP ever? It was 107/67 yesterday and I was so, so happy to see that. My mother had Pre-e with all of her pregnancies so I’ve been worried it might crop up eventually, but nothing yet. Also, no GD! No, really this time! Everything was normal so they aren’t going to make me take the 3 hr test again. I’ve been advised to eat only whole grain in the mornings, just to be safe, which I do anyway so that’s no problem. My belly is measuring in at 34 weeks and everything looked just dandy. At the OB appointment today, they said they would guess Baby J’s birth weight will be between 7 pounds 12oz and 8ish pound. They also rechecked his heart and said it was beautiful, no congenital defects for us, no matter how cursed my gene pool is. Also, he has hair! So cute.

Things we’ve done to prepare: I registered D and myself for the childbirth and breastfeeding class at the hospital in two weeks and I’ve started practicing my hypnobirthing again (finally). I also looked up some encouragement for natural birth to hopefully help me push through when the time comes (no pun intended).

Pregnancy Update: 32 Weeks!

How big is baby: Big. Really, really big. Or the size of a pomelo (whatever that is).

Cravings: Ice, ice, ice, and occasionally french toast.

Symptoms: Holy cow, I thought I knew what insomnia was, and then this last week happened. That’s the main reason this post is so late. I haven’t slept for more than 4 hours at a time for the last five days. I think it’s a mix between the achy hips, the heartburn, and the major surge of hormones I seem to be swimming in. Needless to say, I’ve been taking a lot of naps. Other than that, Baby J’s new past time is staying up all night. He will rest for about 15 minutes and then start rolling around again. I’m glad he’s getting strong and the constant movement is reassuring, but my internal organs are very ready to resume their usual job of, you know, not being pummeled 24/7.

Mom is feeling: Weepy, tired, cranky, etc. All it takes is someone looking at me the wrong way and I start sobbing. Luckily, this has mostly only earned me sympathetic nods from the public.

Dad is feeling: Tired because I keep waking him up accidentally and most likely afraid to open his mouth for fear the dreaded crying will start again.

Belly: Now big enough that fellow grocery shoppers find themselves incapable of not spouting out unsolicited and unhelpful advice! Woohoo! Two gems from this week were, “You really should be in a wheelchair” and “That poor couple, they have no idea what they’re in for. Their lives will never be the same.”
These pearls of wisdom are usually followed by more crying by your’s truly.

Weight Gain: No idea as of right now. The home scale says I’ve lost weight but the home scale also tends to march to the beat of its own drum and lie fairly often, so I’ll wait for the midwives to tell me.

Doctory stuff: No appointments yet. I have a midwife appointment on Tuesday and a growth scan with the OB on Wednesday (cross your fingers that D gets the morning off to come!)

Things we’ve done to prepare: We got a swing. Sort of. It’s secondhand and adorable but doesn’t actually do the whole “swinging” thing. It does vibrate and play music though so I’ll take it. We (and by we I mean I) cleaned out the spare bedroom and organized the spare closet. This doesn’t actually benefit Baby J in any way since he won’t be sleeping in that room, but it made me feel better. I also did a little research into what to expect for our hospital birth and had a good talk with D about how he can support me during labor. Also also ripped a hole in my only pair of maternity pants, so it looks like it’s skirts and dresses from here on out!

What helped your insomnia during pregnancy? Any tips or tricks?